Sometimes the biggest disappointments in life come in the shape of people. Nothing quite takes us by surprise as a person letting you down or disappointing you. I don't even mean in terms of our personal expectation, because, come on, that one is on us, if we actually expected something to turn out a certain way. As the age old wisdom goes ' expectation leads disappointment'.
I'm rather referring to situations where, you are suddenly bombarded with the reality of a person. That moment when you realize everything you believed them to be is somehow not true. When you expected better from them, not for yourself but because you truly believed they were great people. Those situations which changes your entire perspective of a person and you realize that the version you know of them or saw was a facade of sorts. Because you wouldn't under any other circumstance believed that to be true of them, for them to 'that kind of a person' but because you have no choice but accept the bitter reality since the truth is right in front of your face and its undeniable.
That is true disappointment.
But it may also be liberation.
Dodging of an emotional bullet.
Musings of the Mind
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Exposure
Writing has always been something I loved,
something I felt I was born to do, and perhaps even be good at. It has always
helped that I've had a receptive audience for the little of it I have done. Be
it from teachers, to competitions and even the random select people who have
come across it. They've always been very positive and encouraging to a degree
beyond civil and nicer than they have to be. All of which has boosted my ego, I
guess, and helped me think of myself as a writer of sorts.
But the writer in me is pretty dormant. As
much as I like to write, and there exist so many stories and ideas in my
head, I've always limited my writing to the bear minimum I had to. In school it
would be for assignment, essays or the occasional competition, though all of
which I massively enjoyed and eagerly awaited the feedback. Since I've left
school my actual writing has reduced drastically. But ironically I've found
more things I want to write about, opinions I need to share, and feelings
bottled up which I know I can’t share with anyone else, but myself, thus
through writing.
As a person I've always been guarded with
my feelings, more so in expressing them. I've always been ‘the sensible one’,
who despite the conflicts between heart and head let the head have the final
call. Therefore expressing myself completely to anyone, has always not been an
option. I've been told that I’m a very good listener and a confident, but I
guess I've never been able to trust anyone enough to be completely exposed to
them. Not that I have a secret life or anything so adventurous of sorts. It’s
just that on one side, I've always felt that listening was my job and I
couldn't demand it from others, and also more importantly because I don’t want
to be misunderstood.
I've always found that it is only with
certain people that I can actually have proper conversations with, where our
minds meet. So each of them may have bits and fractions of my thoughts, but no
one the whole picture. Being misunderstood has nothing to do with hurt feelings
or even other people for that matter. It’s just that there is so much going on
in a persons head and on can only verbalize so much, and if the listener
doesn't see the verbalized bits in context with the greater picture, I believe
it will create misunderstood version.
There aren't many people who bother with such concentrated listening, or
who try to ‘understand’ what you mean. They mostly take words for their literal
value and convincing them otherwise is an ordeal with uncertain results, and
frankly too much to demand from others. Therefore I truly believe that one can
only have proper conversations with certain like-mined set. Not that they would
agree with your views, but they would understand where it is coming from. But
such individuals are not easy to come by.
Anyway the point I intended on making with
all that gibberish was, that it is the above said reasoning that has kept me
from writing as well. I've never maintained a journal in my life for the fear
of someone coming across it. Because I've always felt that writing is the most
honest and sincere form of expression I possess. Therefore be it fiction, prose
or poetry, it would expose a part of my soul. Which is scary and makes me feel
very vulnerable, something a control-freak like me is not generally comfortable
with.
Therefore I've always admired writers, for
being able wear their heart on their sleeve and expose parts of their soul.
Even a piece of fiction has a part of you in it, be it another person’s story
or a narrative. And any reader would generally know that much.
Therefore the new mission is to be brave
and not worry about the exposure. Because it is this part of one’s soul that
make great writing great, not the plot, not the fancy details. So here is to
freeing of the soul and a pursuit in writing, to be able to speak to others and
make one’s self vulnerable, which makes one a richer person in spirit.
New Year...New begninngs
Hello 2014 !
A year with great aspirations and hopes of realizing them all.
One has already been realized. Finally got the nerve to start a new blog. This has been a long time coming having been an avid fan of some great blogs.
So cheers to new beginnings and new adventures :)
A year with great aspirations and hopes of realizing them all.
One has already been realized. Finally got the nerve to start a new blog. This has been a long time coming having been an avid fan of some great blogs.
So cheers to new beginnings and new adventures :)
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